GUEST POST from Arlen Meyers
These days, with all the doctors, providers, assistants, associate assistants, assistant assistants,clerks, navigators and others, it is getting harder and harder to tell the sick care players without a program. Here’s a Cliff’s Notes Guide to Color Coded Care:
1. White: of course, these are the doctors. But, don’t be confused when it comes to separating the medical doctors from the pharmacy doctors from the nursing doctors from the other doctors working in the Integrative Care Unit offering acupuncture and aromatherapy.
2. Antelope Tan: Labor and Delivery Nurses to match the wall colors in the birthing rooms.
3. Green: These are the hospital administrators and bean counters
4. Blue: Patient service representatives and risk management officers wearing colors designed to calm you down before you sue someone
5. Red: The receptionists in busy clinics designed to get you to move in and out faster
6. Orange: The orthopedists and sports medicine specialists who wear the colors of their local NFL team paying big bucks to get affiliation rights with your local NFP hospital. Some might have their names on the back of their shirts to help you separate the shoulder specialists from the hip people.
7. Black: Pathologists
8. Those wearing Zegna suits or sport coats: General surgeons
9. Taupe: OB-Gyn doctors
10. Anyone wearing an oversized bow tie with a cartoon character on it: Pediatricians or pediatric house staff.
11. CHINOs: Chief Healthcare Innovation Officers wear the pants that you would expect. Just don’t expect them to see you as a patient.
Anyone wearing a hoodie is probably an undergraduate scribe looking for brownie points to put on their med school application.
Anyone wearing an embroidered fleece Patagonia vest is really a venture capitalist who does medicine every now and then. However, now that Patgonia has changed its mission, all sick care workers may be the next ones to get un-fleeced, to say nothing of all those physician tech-bros.
Soon we will have to expand our palette of color coded shirts since practicing at the top your license means pushing the other stuff further down the food chain.
Here’s an idea: When you go to valet your car at the hospital,the attendant will give you a program to tell the players and a score sheet inside. Of course there will be pharma and medtech direct to consumer advertising to offset the expenses of production, or, we can sell it to you. Most likely,the cost of the program won’t be a covered benefit so be sure your copays are up to date. But, at least you will be able to tell the difference between the rabbi and the resident.
and Co-editor at Digital Health Entrepreneurship
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